By: Chris Blumenstetter

Mr. Steinbrenner’s Here, George is Dead, Call me Back!

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Mets-Ville Goes Full Frank Costanza with Matt Harvey Speculation

Homeostasis- (Noun) The tendency of a system to maintain stability.  Well, in the land of all things Mets, we have gotten back to ours.  Dubbed in 2015 by multiple reporters as ‘Panic City’, the chronic condition of a Mets fan is a combination of cynicism, panic, and a tireless sense of impending doom.  The above quote by Frank Costanza is obviously a Yankee reference to his son George’s employment with the team, but it is his, at most times, irrational panic that makes him easily comparable to any long suffering Mets Fan.

Yesterday evenings news, or lack of news, has been mercurially permeating our social media feeds and dominates the back pages of the tabloids this morning.

That is..until we found out all of the #PanicCity hoopla was for nothing. Matt Harvey just forgot to pee when he had to. More here.

What was 24 hours ago a spring so tranquil it could have been the setting of a Robert Frost poem, complete with majestic steeds and champion pigs, has quickly and characteristically become a Liam Neeson movie in the blink of an eye.

Screen Shot 2016-03-29 at 9.55.46 AM

The news created speculation that bordered on comical and creepy. Callers bombarded Mike Francessa on WFAN Monday afternoon with their predictions that included physical ailments, mental conditions, substance abuse allegations and sexually transmitted disease chatter.

To be blunt, I saw more acronyms (STD, HPV, MONO, IBS, UTI, TB) on twitter than FDR’s alphabet soup economic revitalization plan in the 1930’s.

My contribution? Well, Harvey is never one to shy away from an endorsement deal…could it be possible he is taking the male fertility drug created by Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger in the film Junior and it went too well?  Little baby Harvey due around turkey day? Oh, that sounds ridiculous?

After all, this is THE METS.  The only team that can turn a grand slam into a single and a no-hitter into the end of a prominent pitcher’s’ career.

The constant in all of the Mets turmoil in the past 35 or so years? Mets Public Relations Director Jay Horwitz. He is one of the most kind men in the business and even had his likeness (sort of) represented by a bobblehead a couple of years ago.  A pillar of grace and composure in the organization, he has weathered such storms as phenom Doc Gooden’s addiction and rehab, allegations of rape against David Cone, Bobby Bonilla and Rickey Henderson’s card game, Vince Coleman and his firecrackers in the locker room (worth a google), Ana Benson, Francisco Rodriguez and Johan Santana’s doomsday no hitter (or lack of, right Mr. Beltran?).

So this little hiccup for Harvey should be no problem…

Sandy Alderson and Horwitz’s plan of action? ‘Just say it isn’t orthopedic and that his arm is fine, everyone will patiently wait for the news, it’s just Matt Harvey’.

Sure, seems logical and rational for any club.  It is a player’s right to confidentiality of medical records, unless you are Adam Schefter.

Oh Mr. Horwitz, how quickly you forget what our homeostasis is and just what we have been through.  You are not dealing with a rational, logical fan base, but rather a speculatory angry mob that was just starting to turn optimistic.

Hopefully Harvey will be fine, just like George was.  If we can learn anything from Frank Costanza, other than non-commercial holidays and male support garments, it is that nine times out of ten, things always seem to work out okay….so let’s just sit back, wait, and speculate on the weight and sex of the miraculous Harvey Baby due in November….SERENITY NOW!!

About Chris Blumenstetter

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1 Comment

  1. Jeffrey zoni

    March 29, 2016 at 6:26 pm

    You do know what HIPAA is right?

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