#MetsTwitter is a tough place to hang out these days. If you don’t watch your back while walking these mean streets, you might become the next victim of the “Knockout Game”. Don’t think for one minute that your 140 characters might not be as scrutinized as a State of the Union address.
The lack of talent, money, and actions by the New York Mets front office, have turned this once great and harmonious fanbase against each other. We used to have fun in the offseason with lunchtime hashtags created by @JedSmed, tried to find ways to make fun of the Yankees, and even dream up crazy trade scenarios. But those days are gone. If you don’t follow the unwritten rules of #MetsTwitter, you will be stoned in the town square.
I suggest you save this article in your browser for quick reference. It could save your #MetsTwitter life.
*These are solely for entertainment purposes only. Wait, maybe I should have read Rule 7 first?*
The Unwritten Rules Of #MetsTwitter
1) The first rule of #MetsTwitter is don’t talk about #MetsTwitter – Don’t use the hashtag, or even call the Twitter community of all New York Mets fans, #MetsTwitter. Some members of #MetsTwitter think this is a select few people and not a generalization of all Mets fans.
2) Do NOT make corny or witty jokes. This is a serious place – You better learn this rule, and fast. Plays on words, hashtags, and spelling things incorrectly on purpose, are serious grounds for the electric chair. If you are here to have fun, you better pack up your things and leave.
3) Everyone who is a blogger is a virgin and was picked last in gym class – Get this one through your heads. It’s obvious that people who are able to read and write, have never kissed a girl (or guy) and could throw an 80 mph fastball. Don’t try to convince anyone otherwise.
4) Do not form your own opinion – Just look for the consensus opinion, and pick the other side no matter what it is. This is the only way to survive on these mean streets.
5) Everyone on #MetsTwitter is in a “group” – Just make sure you are in the right one. If you aren’t in one right now, you will be put in one. Don’t worry.
6) Have an agenda – If you don’t have an agenda, GET ONE!
7) If you see others having fun, bring them down – This ties into #2. Be sure to attack them and make sure it’s personal. Often reference weight, socioeconomic status, and their kids.
8) If this is your first night on #MetsTwitter, you HAVE to fight – self-explanatory.
9) Don’t get soft and start caring about things – The best way to show you don’t care about something is to talk about it non stop and make sure you are heard.
10) Gang up on others – Don’t let the ones who gang up on other twitter users, tell you to not do it. That’s not the way it’s done. Always look for two people having a mild disagreement and pounce. Making a disagreement into a bullying session is always fun.
There may be some rules that were missed here. If you know of some, make sure to leave them in the box below. Keep in mind, we broke a few rules in writing this. We are all about having fun, aren’t you?
LGM
