Keith, thanks so much for agreeing to this fake interview. We were looking at the Just for Men FAQs and thought it would be good to get your take on what are some great questions. While we’re at it, we’d also enjoy hearing your thoughts on the 2015 Mets.
Q: Why hair dye, and why should we be optimistic about the Mets in 2015?
Keith: I’ve found that wherever I go, whether it’s on a wine tasting, shooting a TV commercial, getting tailored for a special “on-air” crushed velvet suit, or just kicking back in the Hamptons with other celebrities, people always want to know about hair dye. Why hair dye? I say why not! Which reminds me, the Mets might just have the best rotation in the National League this side of the Nationals. Folks, we are going to see a lot of great pitching this season, and the Mets have a whole slew of tough hombres that will strike fear into any opponent. For the record, I was never afraid on a baseball field.
Q: How is Just For Men® Brush-In Color Gel for Mustache, Beard and Sideburns different from Just For Men® Shampoo-In Haircolor? How do you think Duda will do after his breakout season last year?
Well, I just don’t know how those dyes are different….got a curveball at the knees on that one. Listen, if you want to have a grey mustache and a nice dark brown head of hair, be my guest. I don’t judge. Speaking of judging, if Lucas Duda can flatten out his swing against lefty’s he will be such a force, and I mean a force like Sarge or Dave Parker or any of the other guys I played against during the golden age of late 70s and early 80s baseball. Last year Duda showed us all what he can do with the stick, the glove looked miles better, and he will crush it again in 2015. I wouldn’t be surprised if he hit 40 bombs with a bunch of ribeye steaks, especially with the fences moved in. You can take that to the bank and smoke it.
Q: How often should I color my head hair? Have the Mets done the right thing at shortstop?
How frequently you should coloring your head hair is 100 percent based on season. In the Summer, every third day. The Fall, once a week. Winter, once a month. I dye mine every other Wednesday or when my lovely wife Kai tells me I’m starting to look like Whitey Herzog in the root department. No hair dye in the Spring–ever. The Spring is for baseball. Speaking of which, just give Flores the job this spring and move on already. Tejada is not the answer, he’s a good glove man and I think he will be fine on the bench, but his bat is not there, nor is the work ethic. Flores is good enough out there and if he hits like we think he can the team will be fine.
Q: How often should I color my facial hair?
Twice a day. And no Metsies fans, I will not be growing back my brush this year. Sorry to disappoint.
Q: How does Just For Men® deliver a natural look? Who has the most natural arm motion among Met starters?
OK let me break this down. Look at the way Kid Carter received a pitch. He and the pitcher had a rhythm, like the rhythm of drummer Neil Pert, who could really hammer out the solos. So you have a drum beat, a rhythm, and you call pitches. You could call them to a guy like Sid Fernandez, who as we all know is from Hawaii, which is a lovely place. Ronnie, who is also from Hawaii, said something the other day about the colors on my scorecard that could also be a rhythm because of the way the colors blend naturally, just like the natural look of Just for Men. Did I answer your question? Good. Let’s talk about deGrom—this kid has an incredible arm motion. He came out of nowhere and was successful because he throws strikes, and his motion is repeatable, smooth, and he hides the ball well. Matt Harvey throws strikes, and he’s a bulldog. We saw Wheeler turn it around because he started throwing strikes, started getting comfortable with his role. These are stud pitchers. Talk about a natural look!
Q: Why should I use Just For Men® instead of women’s hair color?
Women do not belong in the dugout.
Q: How do I select the shade that is most natural for me? Is Terry Collins the right guy?
Select shade depends on many factors….is there fire down below? Does the roof match the floor? Does the carpet match the curtains? I guess I would say just go with what works. I’m a big Terry fan—I’ve said time and again that he doesn’t get out-managed, and I believe it. I know a lot of folks want Wally up here, and I won’t comment on that other to say let’s give Terry the horses, and see what the team does, then we can decide on just how good he is. This year he finally has the horses.
Q: What happens if I try a different brand of hair color? Your thoughts on Cuddyer?
Do not try a different brand of hair color, you will go permanently bald, as will all of your family members. Cuddy is a pro’s pro—besides a great eye and a lot of experience he also brings another veteran voice in the dugout. Look at Cuddy and Grandy—say what you want about their age, but here are two quality guys. The Mets have done a great job in bringing in quality guys, quality hitters, but to me they have been a bit unlucky, especially with the injuries last year. With David, Curtis and Cuddy you have a mutual admiration society that has the potential to feed on each other and produce greatness.
Q: Do I need a special shampoo?
Yes.
Q: Should I color my hair before a haircut or after? Do you think the Mets will seriously contend?
Color it before, then get a haircut and re-color. Add in some High Cheddar, and don’t forget to tip your barber. I definitely think the Mets will contend. The Nationals are the class of the national League, but after that every team has questions, including the Giants. Teams like the Mets and Marlins will fight all year long, and the Mets have a very good chance for a wild card. Tell the kiddies out there to start watching because we are about to go on a great ride. I can’t wait.
Q: Can I perm my hair while using Just For Men®?
The only major leaguer who ever looked good in a perm was Kid Carter. If you want to look like Gary then do it.
Q: Can I relax my hair while using Just For Men®? Any final thoughts?
Yes, the whole Just for Men experience is very relaxing…your hair will feel more at ease with itself than Kevin Elster does when looking in a mirror. Thanks for having me on for this fake interview. I’m a big fan of the Daily Stache and read your site daily. You guys are the best!
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