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The Daily Stache

Mets Planning Clean Pee Drive For Ryan Braun

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Earlier today on Metsblog, the rumor of a potential Ike Davis for Ryan Braun trade was floated out there and clearly had Mets fans thinking that miracles can happen and that Brewers GM Doug Melvin might be losing his mind.

But according to inside sources within the Mets organization, the potential of Ryan Braun coming to the Mets is a lot more serious than we think.

The Mets, who run blood drives throughout the season to help people in need, are going above and beyond to make sure that Braun is comfortable playing in New York.

The Mets are planning on running the first ever Clean Pee Drive, and will be offering fans tickets to games in exchange to some clean pee for Braun to use so that he can play at his 2011 NL MVP level without the pressure of drug tests hovering over him.

The source, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the trade has not been officially completed, said “We know that Ryan Braun is a wonderful player, but we are not going to take on his 100 million dollar contract and not have him play at his MVP level. So we feel like the fans can show their support and help him out by donating clean pee.”

Braun was suspended for the final 65 games of the 2013 for his involvement in the Biogenesis scandal and did test positive for PED’s in 2011 before winning an appeal based upon his claim that the sample that was collected was mishandled by the collector Dino Laurenzi, Jr.

Braun is guaranteed $113 million over the next seven seasons and could use a change of scenery after his suspension last season. Being traded to New York would be tough because of the uptick in media covering the Mets, but the team wants Braun to feel as comfortable as possible.

“If we can eliminate the pressure of being caught with PED’s and in turn it leads to Braun teaming up with David Wright to lead our offense, why wouldn’t we do this clean pee drive” the source told The Stache.

The source also confirmed that if this does work out, other players who the Mets could be interested in as Free Agents could benefit as well.

“If this works, we can also bring in Nelson Cruz and Jhonny Peralta as well. We might not have much money, but the promise of being able to pass a Drug Test whenever necessary is going to be a huge plus for us.”

Editors Note: This story is obviously 100% fake. If you did believe that it was real, well I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

One Comment

  1. Angel Lopez

    November 21, 2013 at 5:18 pm

    Mets fans thinking that miracles can happen and that Brewers GM Doug Melvin might be losing his mind. with letter head like this they will think about it to come to the Mets organization. they can read. personally I think is a good trade for both club, but the Mets will have to come up probably with a minor leaguer to complete the trade..

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